Happy February everyone, welcome to this month’s moment with Mary-Ann
So, let’s get into it.
This month, I wanted to talk about something I really struggle with, and I wonder if it resonates with you readers…
First, I should give you some background into what I do when I am not writing this blog. I am a pharmacist, working in a GP surgery with a big team of people who all work extremely hard every day to provide the best possible care for all the patients there.
Why am I telling you this, you may ask?
Well, it’s because last year I started a course to become a specialist pharmacist in mental health and let me tell you, it’s been tough! Working full time and doing a course is something that makes you realise how lucky you were at school, when all you had to do was focus on passing the exams! Anyway, for this course, I needed to have a designated supervisor, someone who makes sure that I meet all the competencies required to be able to get the qualification and most importantly, provide the best care to the patients that I can. I have done courses before and I have always turned to the same person to be my supervisor, I basically see them as my mentor. She is brilliant and has helped me through a few tight spots, like with my current course… Honestly, when I started, I had no idea what I needed to do, but I had her there to help me figure it out. She’s done this before, she mentors and teaches others as well and she never fails to illuminate the light bulb in my head, every time I go to her feeling lost or panicked. Beyond that, she also helps me a lot with balancing my life, she asks how things are out of work and how I am coping in general. Her experience and wisdom are given freely, showing how she manages the millions of things she has to do, while staying sane and collected. Even the small things I take from her and implement in my life, to great success. Without her mentorship in my life, I don’t think I would be the person I am today; I don’t think she knows this, but she really is a role model to me (she will likely find out if she ever reads this blog).
Apologies if that got a bit soppy, I just really appreciate her! But, still, why am I telling you this?
It’s because, once I was given the opportunity to be a mentor to someone else… and I said no!
Seems strange, doesn’t it? I have just said how amazing it is to have a mentor in my life and how it’s made me a better person, but then I go and reject the opportunity to be that for someone else. Shame on me, right?
Well, before you judge me, let me explain…
It’s a big responsibility, it’s terrifying and I didn’t feel like I would be good at it… I thought that I should wait till I’m wiser and older and have that ‘Uncle Ben’ level advice to give to the future Spiderman. This is such an obvious excuse, isn’t it? But the truth is, I know I am not alone, a lot of people don’t want to be mentors because they just don’t think they have the expertise or value to give to someone.
It can be very intimidating to know that you are the person someone will come to when they need advice. Or even worse, what if you find out that they don’t think you are useful, and then DON’T want to come to see you? The fear of failure can be a real roadblock…
Also, if you follow this blog, you will know that I, in the past, have said yes to everything. So much so that this year I decided to do just one thing and do it really well. So, in that sense, technically, if I had said yes to being a mentor, I would be breaking my rule… well, that’s what I’m telling myself!
I was troubled by the decision to not be a mentor for a while, flipping back and forth in my mind between regret and justification. But then I heard a phrase on a podcast that said, ‘you shouldn’t build up your confidence before taking a leap, you should allow the leap to build your confidence’, and then I reflected on my mentor. How valuable she has been to me, how confident she has been with supporting me, but most importantly, how much she loves it! Perhaps she felt as I do right now at first, like so many of us who are scared to mentor others.
So, I suppose you may have guessed by now that I changed my mind! But aside from the above, let me tell you a little more about why I did, especially in our current climate where young people are suffering with work, education, and their mental health.
Mentorship is a life skill, you won’t be perfect when you start, but it’s a life skill that can build and reinforce self-confidence and even help to realise things you didn’t even know you had learnt, seeing yourself from a different perspective. You build so many connections, relationships and in turn, this allows you to improve your communication skills and ability to motivate people.
It was important for me to realise, as a mentor you aren’t supposed to be a fixer and you don’t have to have all the answers, but you can create an environment where you and your mentee can problem solve and learn together. We all solve problems every day, so I think if you are over the age of 1, then you have some life experience to share! Even with this in mind I was still worried, but then I also saw a post by Rafiki Thabo where they talked about their current scholars who have chosen to become mentors and this gave me so much motivation, to realise how valuable this is, especially when we think about young people in education.
Rafiki Thabo continues to grow and this in turn leads to more scholars who have volunteered to set up mentoring schemes to support the younger students. This is because they know that mentorship is so valuable to the children in their villages. And this brings so much joy to Rafiki Thabo, they are absolutely over the moon to learn that their graduates and scholars themselves initiate such mentorships.
Rafiki Thabo Scholars have all struggled and fought their way to be given the opportunity to have an education and each of their struggles and lessons of resilience gives them the perfect foundation to be amazing mentors. Many of these students moved from rural villages to start school and this can be a big step, we all know how daunting it is, to go from secondary school to university and suddenly become a small fish in a very big pond. A culture change which is felt even deeper in a community where attending secondary or tertiary education is not the norm, and where not only may you be exposed to jealousy and suspicion at home, but also suffer imposter syndrome at your place of education. So, for students having someone who has been there and done it, can be life changing. It can mean that they settle in faster, are able to make the most of their education and indeed ensure that they remain at school instead of giving up from overwhelm. It is a rewarding experience that can leave a lasting impact on you and the mentee and who knows how long that relationship can last.
Ayiesa Ohese, a Rafiki Thabo graduate, is one the mentors for Rafiki Thabo, he deserves a mention because he loves it so much, he currently has ten students under his wing and in his everyday life, he even mentors without realising it. I trekked with him up Mount Kilimanjaro and he was very impactful to me even then! These are now ten new connections that can grow and be motivated to also mentor others and so on it goes.
So, I have broken my rule already, and said yes to being a mentor. Yes, to the growth, yes to the excitement and yes to the relationships I will build. I mean… I might not always feel like I have the time, but I know that helping someone to be more organised will make me more organised and save me time… Right? Spending time to make time… Is that how it works…? I will find out soon!
