Hello friends, it’s March, my birthday month… Usually my favourite month, but this time, I turned 30.
Yes… I know… feel sorry for me.
Now I will have to use those dreaded words, “when I was in my 20’s”… Oh dear! How did this happen so quickly?
I type this on a tear-drenched laptop… Anyway, let’s move on.
Last month I talked about how becoming a mentor is a great and powerful thing. But… There is the other side of that relationship to consider! What about being a mentee?
I want to discuss why people might not want a mentor and importantly, why people should seriously consider it! Unless, like me, you are 30 and now know everything there is to know about life!
As you know, I truly believe that mentorship is a win-win situation for both parties involved. But, I know that some people hesitate to embrace the guidance of a mentor and there are a few reasons why… I’ve done some research, asked my husband why he hasn’t had any mentors, and also dug deep into my own reasons as to why, sometimes, I even avoid my mentor. For starters, it can be hard to open up about your fears and challenges to… well… anyone! But to have a successful relationship with your mentor, you do need to be honest, open and vulnerable as to why and how you need support and guidance. Obviously, being vulnerable is a scary place, it’s easy to think ‘what if they think I’m weak?’, ‘what if they have no idea why I am here?!’ Then, of course, we all like to try and do it all ourselves… You know, be self-sufficient and independent at any cost. Need I even tell you that’s not always a good idea?
Let me give a hilarious example. Well, it’s only funny now because a long enough time has passed since I was in university. I once had a piece of coursework to do, and I didn’t understand it… Not one bit. But I was sure that it was a simple piece of work. So, I was worried, if I admitted to my mentor that I didn’t get it, undoubtedly, she would look at me, then strip me of my pharmacist badge and throw it in the bin. For far, far too long I kept trying to understand, too embarrassed to ask anyone. Then finally I gave in and told my mentor I couldn’t do it. Then, after a smooth and easy FIVE MINUTES, I understood the work I had to do entirely… Why did I wait so long?! The point is, I was worried my mentor would think I wasn’t smart but, in the end, it was always a safe space, but I let my pride get in the way. When you have a mentor, it’s not their job to judge you, they want what’s best for you and most of the time, they have been there and done it. That is what makes them a great mentor!
Wanting to believe I could do it played a part in that scenario too! I wanted to feel pride in my ability to do it alone, but I realised that asking for help is not the same as depending on someone. In fact, seeking help is a part of life, we all do it. It shows resourcefulness and an unwillingness to waste any more valuable time… Which I had done, in abundance. But then, sometimes you feel like you are wasting your mentor’s time, right? If they are busy, it can be hard to feel like you are interrupting them. Particularly if you know them personally, you may see how busy your mentor is… But what you must remember, as difficult as it may be, is that both mentor and mentee want to be there and are both getting something from the relationship. So, just book your meetings in advance and organise it well!
If you look on the Rafiki Thabo Instagram page, there is a story about Queen Mary, one of Rafiki Thabo’s Scholars. She was neglected by her family in favour of her ‘male’ siblings, so she suffered from hunger and many other difficulties. As you can imagine, as a result, it was hard for her to trust anyone, particularly when the people she loved the most disappointed her. For people like this, it is hard to think that anyone has your best interest at heart. A mentor could be a daunting prospect!
In Queen Mary’s story Rafiki Thabo were her mentors, and more… They provided school meals through their ‘Eat Well to Learn’ programme, paid her school fees, and she was able to stay safely at school in a dormitory renovated by them. Queen Mary is now a mum, and we hope will mentor others struggling with their education as she has so many life experiences to share.
Why did I tell you about her?
Because trust is a key element in mentorship. Believing that your mentor has your best interests at heart and can truly understand and empathise with your challenges, is what makes the relationship effective. Rafiki Thabo fosters these relationships very well. They don’t tell the communities or mentees what they should do, or what they think is best, they ask them what will make the biggest difference to them. Making it easier for them to be honest, to seek support and crucially, have trust that people do care and want the best for you. So, in summary, having a mentor is a powerful part of life. Often, we may even have mentors in life, without even realising or organising it. It can be fundamental to progress in many aspects of life and I honestly believe that everyone, I mean everyone, could benefit from it.
Unless you are 30 like me… Then you have all the answers!