Hey friends,
Happy Summer, we are in July, the sunniest month of the year… Or not! I am not at all bitter about this wonderful British summer we are having, I promise!
If you were at the Rafiki Thabo Family Fun day, I am sure you were also thinking that this is supposed to be summer. But in the UK, you just have to get up, accept your fate and get on with it; which you all did! It was great to see people turning up in shorts and rain jackets ready to have fun! A truly British affair!
I must admit that the torrential rain, coupled with winds that tried to take all the marquees into space in the morning did a good job dampening a few hearts, but once we started to set things up and work as a team, we realised the sun shines from just being together as one! Soppy I know, but very true, because before long we were all smiling and laughing as we did the best we could to get things ready.
The Rafiki Thabo team did a great job organising the event, I was so impressed by all the small details they had to manage and of course, their incredible spirit.
We also had the amazing Maddie Moate and Harry Baker join us; playing football, teaching us about bees and brightening our little corner with their incredible talent. I don’t know about you but I am a massive Maddie fan, so I was just as starstruck as the crowd of children that were so excited to learn about bees.
The reason for this incredible day was to raise funds for children in Lesotho, Uganda and Kenya, to give them a chance at education. Seventeen children will now have their education funded because of that event! Thank you, everyone.
Today I wanted to talk to you about something that I learnt this month and changed my perspective about something very important – purpose. Some of you may be wondering how I come up with something to talk about every month. Well, the simple answer is that I just think a lot… Like, A LOT!
So if you have read my previous blogs you will know I am a busy body, busy bee you might say. I am always up to something and never seem to run out of things to do, but, I’ve also spoken about trying to slow down and do a bit less, focussing on doing fewer things well.
It seemed like a good idea, and it was going well; I had a pretty basic routine, wake up, draw, work, gym, sleep, smile, simple! But, then something strange happened, I started to get a little low. Let me preface by saying I am not complaining, I have been blessed with an amazing life, but for some reason, I was feeling very low and for a while I didn’t know why. I had achieved my goal of doing less, so why was I feeling this way? I was less tired, I was doing less, I was posting less, focussing on what matters, and crucially, staying relaxed, but for some reason I had lost a lot of confidence in myself.
After a few months of what my husband would describe as me ‘being slightly on edge’, we had a sit-down talk…
He asked why I seemed off… And, because I do think a lot, I really dug deep into my soul and I realised a very simple thing. I am ashamed to admit this, so please don’t judge, but my motives for everything I used to do were all wrong.
I realised that, like us all, I wanted to have purpose in my life, but it seemed that my definition for purpose was quite unhealthy. I had turned into a validation monster, so once I slowed down, I suddenly had to work out what it was about the simple things that made me happy, and what the purpose of life was, if not to be seen to be doing something spectacular and amazing all the time.
I started to realise in our fast paced world, I got caught up in the race for success and validation. Sadly I only looked for purpose in grand achievements, seeking approval and recognition from others, and then one day I decided to slow down and suddenly found myself in a situation where I had to reframe my version of purpose and find meaning in the small, everyday moments.
We live in a culture where many of us have forgotten how to do things just because it’s good, even if no one sees you do it. We want to do the thing that will bring the most attention and validation, so we hold back if we feel what we have to offer is not enough. I am not saying it’s wrong to want to feel good about yourself, this is more about not feeling bad about yourself if no one noticed or thanked you for something. I had forgotten how to feel internal validation and instead, always sought external validation which affected me alot when I started to do things quietly.
I am admitting this because I thought, ‘what if other people are out there thinking they are not enough because they haven’t received a parade of validation for all the amazing and wonderful things they are doing in their life and for others?’ It is easy to gloss over the fact that they are an amazing parent, an amazing friend, a great student, or even a great volunteer. Yet they don’t feel it’s big or impressive enough to get noticed, so they are blind to what they already have achieved and don’t do more!
The truth is, there is so much beauty in just being of service and helping others, even when it’s not recognised in the way you think it should. I enjoyed my stint of volunteering at the Family Fun Day, but honestly I think I enjoyed it even more because I just wanted to have fun, there was no pressure to be more than I could be and that was enough. That was my purpose…even if I got very distracted by the Maddie Moate bee show!
I have had a big perspective change in realising that being spectacular is subjective and not measured only by external validation. You just need to stay true to your purpose and give everything you do your best, because whatever value you provide is enough, it is special and it is appreciated. There are so many of us, who want to take the step into helping others, finding a cause but we are distracted by seeking external validation. I have said this in previous blogs, if you prioritise your values, you will find and give so much joy in everything you do. So I advise you to look inward, and be at peace with doing good just because…
